How is your self-esteem, right now?

How do you feel about yourself?

Think about how you feel about yourself right now, right this second…Pause…

So, how are you feeling?

Are you feeling good? If so, why? What is making you feel good? Is it a recent accomplishment that you’re proud of? Is it a compliment that someone gave you?

Or, are you feeling down about yourself? What is making you feel this way? Is it something someone said to hurt your feelings?

Here is the thing: everyone’s feelings and thoughts about themselves ebb and flow somewhat based on their daily experiences. The grade you get on a paper, how your friends treat you, ups and downs in a romantic relationship, all can have a temporary impact on your well being. Not doing well on a paper is an outcome. It does not mean you are dumb, stupid or incompetent. It’s simply an outcome and not the Holy Grail about who you are.

For people with weak or low self-esteem, those down times, like doing poorly on a project, can have a huge impact on how they feel about themselves because they are living conditionally.

People with a good, strong self-esteem weather the storms because they do not live conditionally. Those folks do not fluctuate in how they feel about themselves – that’s a benefit of good self-esteem. They have good days and they have bad days, their feelings get hurt, they are disappointed by a poor performance, or whatever, but they still feel good about themselves because they do not allow the situations or conditions they are in define who they are. They accept themselves unconditionally. There are no temporary changes in how they feel about themselves—if someone experiences temporary changes in how they feel about him/herself then that person has a weak or low self-esteem issue.

For people with poor self-esteem, life’s ups and downs can make all the differences in the world.  They only feel good about themselves during the ups and then the downs make them dislike themselves, feel not good about themselves, experience that “temporary impact” on their well-being, and even worse.

If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable in certain situations because you don’t feel you belong in them, or if you feel guilty for winning a game, or are experiencing other signs of low self-esteem, maybe you should ask yourself why? Are you living conditionally – that is, are the conditions you’re in making you feel badly about yourself? If the answer is yes, then you should definitely try to get a self-esteem boost.

Below you will find my go-to tips for anyone who is need of a self-esteem tune-up, including myself! I still, on occasion, find I need to go back to visit this list and even sometimes, re-read my book, Life Happens: Bounce Back!

Enjoy these tips and remember every single person suffers from feeling badly about a condition or situation that they are in. But, if you find yourself beating yourself up because of a situation, then it may be time for a self- esteem power boost!

6 Ways to Build Your Self-Esteem

Try something new: Anything new – a new behavior, new ideas, new projects, a different way of doing things, and expressing the self. This can be hard because,  for me, it means being open to new ideas and outcomes. It’s important to keep an open mind when trying something new. Trust me, I know it’s not always easy, but man it is so worth it because it can create a new level of enthusiasm you never even knew you had. It can even lead to a feeling of euphoria. I’m not talking about finding success with whatever the new thing is. Just discovering you have the ability to try new things can do wonders for your self-esteem.

When I try new things, I am reminded that life is full of wonderful learning opportunities. Exploring those opportunities increases my excitement for what is next to come! It increases my energy level knowing that the possibilities are endless. I remember when I started to play golf. I had to remind myself: I can do this. I was scared but I wanted to learn how to play the game. More than seven years later, I know how to play golf and I enjoy the game.

Volunteer: Giving of yourself—whether it is time, services, or just plain energy—is so rewarding because it feeds your soul. Service to family, friends, and community is valued, positive work. It warms my heart when I am volunteering and I smile at someone and they smile back. The smile, is a universal language we all use that makes us feel better.

Play: Play is important because it helps you rejuvenate yourself. It forces you to take some personal time to regularly have fun! Lots of fun! To recharge and get that mental break that will enable you to think more clearly afterward.

Exercise: Any kind of exercise will do. Nothing hard is necessary. You don’t have to join an expensive gym, a walk will do. Regular exercise fuels positive moods. And exercise gives me the sense I have accomplished something.

All you need is love…We all need love and relationships of all types. The hard thing is to make ourselves lovable and emotionally available to other people. Doing so involves listening to others as well as receiving feedback on our behavior, which initially can be painful. If you work through the pain, and really listen, the rewards include healthy balanced relationships.

Spiritual Time: My favorite time of the day is first thing in the morning. I use this as my Gratitude Time; it keeps me focused on the deeper meaning of life and helps me keep my problems in perspective. During my Gratitude Time, I think about what my life looks like today as if it is a movie. I am the main character and I identify the supporting crew, for example my children. I visualize their faces and ask myself how are they doing? I thank God for my health and their health. My Gratitude Time is truly time first thing in the morning where I say thank you to God for all I have. It is a great way to start my day on a very positive light.

Remember, life is a constant ebb and flow. I am here to remind you, if you the little things are making you feel bad about who you are, then you may need a self-esteem tune up.


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